starting over

I’m sitting here, wondering how many blog posts I have done, or will do in the future, that have the common theme of starting over. Each time I think my mind has made the shift (and my stomach), has decided that it is ready to follow my heart and start to take care of myself and live healthily, deep down I know it hasn’t. I discovered a new blog, Honey, I Shrunk the Gretchen!, through her guest post on fAnnetastic food today. (I just recently found fANNEtastic too and it’s a great blog!) I read her story, saw the pictures, and just thought, wow, that was me a few short years ago. I’ve started to wonder how I’ve lost so much of what I had thought I had gained on my 50 lb. weight loss journey. I was fun and confident, I appeared in a weight-loss/diet book, but by the time that came out I was up 30 lbs. already. It happened so quick, the weight gain. I know there were several stressors going on when I stopped following the “diet,” but you would think someone who has spent 6 months taking off 50 lbs. would know how to handle these. But I didn’t. And I think that is maybe what scares me now, how will I react, mentally and emotionally when I start to lose the weight. So, here I am again, starting over, committing myself to a healthy lifestyle, making goals and wondering how in the heck I’m going to reach those. How am I going to control my cravings? How am I going to emotionally handle situations where I’ve always turned to food? Who is going to be my support system in this? Do I need a dietitian, do I need a support group, do I need my hand held? What’s the best way? What will work for me? How do I control the cravings? There is so much going into making the mind shift (that’s what I’m going to call it), that maybe I just not think about it. Maybe I try the intuitive eating method, but that even takes work! I’ve always felt that eating less, exercising more is the best thing to do (and eating less, but eating the right things, non-processed foods). And I’m starting to ramble…
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this. I guess I’m trying to say that starting is hard, and maybe I shouldn’t see it as starting over, maybe I see it as just another step in life. Maybe I realize that now is the time to work on myself. I’ve had a very emotional week at work, and I may be feeling those effects as I post this and that I’ve eaten a whole tray of Oreo’s within 24 hours, or that after I finished them off tonight I ordered pizza and ate 3 slices. Maybe just writing these down for the internet to see, and noticing how I’m feeling right now, will make me wake up and notice and shift the mind. I don’t know. I realize that this is just a discombobulated (wow, I spelled that right!) post, and thanks for putting up with it if you’re still reading. I thought I was making some progress on my blog with better writing, but I guess this is what happens after a bunch of oreo’s and pizza and I have to get up for an 8am BodyPump and a 9:15am RPM class. Yup, I’m a glutton for punishment, although I am looking forward to kicking ass on the spin bike tomorrow.

And maybe I just need to post these pictures to realize something…what that is, maybe I’ll discover one day…

Now I just need to figure out how to get back to that girl in the middle.

Good night, here’s to starting over!

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4 responses to “starting over

  1. I’m kind of going through what you are going through now – it’s tough, but you just have to take things one day at a time! That’s what I have been telling myself anyway. 🙂

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